Friday, 28 July 2006

Advice for Imperial citizens int he 41st millenium (40K)

I have put together a few pointers on the does and don'ts in the 41st millenium. Some I have rogued and adjusted from the 40k forums on the GW website, others i have kinda made up, some ok and some not so ok.

If you have any further suggestions, please leave them in the comments box.


Advice for Imperial citizens in the 41st millenium

  1. Asbestos gloves do not give any added protection when using plasma weapons
  2. Friendly fire…….isn’t.
  3. ‘Terminator tipping’ is frowned upon.
  4. Do not challenge Ork speed freaks to a drag race, unless you are a Blood Angel.
  5. Ordo Soritas do not take kindly to being referred to as ‘bolter bitches’.
  6. Do not use flamethowers as cigarette lighters, campfire lighters, or ‘added special effects’ at an imperial entertainment event.
  7. Likewise do not use a melta weapon to microwave ready meals.
  8. Squigs are not ‘meals on wheels’
  9. Tau do not taste like chicken, nor do kroot
  10. The Crozius Arcanum is a holy implement for smiting the Emperor’s enemies, not a sex toy.
  11. Land raiders are indeed ‘bullet magnets’. Use wisely.
  12. Gaunts are not pets.
  13. Necrons are not cybermen, and will not say ‘Prepare to be deleted’.
  14. There are no ointments for a scarab infestation.
  15. Titans are not to be used for ‘dance offs’
  16. There is no room on a rhino for spoilers, under chassis neon lighting, sport rims, extra large exhaust pipes, dump valves, or turbos. Unless it is a Blood Angels rhino, in which case the only stipulation is there should be no fuzzy dice.
  17. No fuzzy dice or air fresheners are allowed in any imperial vehicle.
  18. Do not refer to the Machine spirit in vehicles as the ‘Ghost in the Machine’
  19. Necrons are NOT controlled by skynet.
  20. Do not throw sticks and ask a Space Wolf to fetch. His reaction often offends
  21. There is no point in torturing Slannesh followers. They only enjoy it.
  22. Followers of the Blood God do not appreciate being referred to as Quorn berserkers.
  23. Mr Lordi is not a Bloodthirster. He is the lead singer for Lordi. There is a minor difference.
  24. Blood Angels will not be in a good mood if ‘Dracula’ is quoted to them in an over the top Romanian accent.
  25. Dark Angels are not ‘Alter Boys’ nor are they transvestites.
  26. Ultramarines are not extras from a bad American or British elite forces movie.
  27. Ultramarines do not take kindly to being referred to as ‘Gay’ or ‘Beardy girls’.
  28. Deamonettes of Slannesh are not ‘goers’, nor should they ever be propositioned. There are no STD clinics in the Emperium. You have been warned
  29. The taint of Chaos is not an STD. Avoid at all costs.
  30. No in-vehicle cd players. This only encourages “the Best of Queen” to be played constantly.
  31. Venerable Dreadnoughts do not like it when people call them Vulnerable Dreadnoughts.
  32. The Eldar Avatar is no longer scary. Assault cannon his ass!!
  33. Do not place any ‘I am a heretic. Purge me’ stickers on the back of Inquisitors.
  34. Never, ever quote Monty Python in front of Inquisitors. Imperial Inquisitors do NOT use fluffy pillows or the ‘comfy chair’ during interrogation. You have been warned.
  35. Powerpoint(tm) does not ignore armour saves. However, you must make a morale test at -5.
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